


Futanari Ballbusting: Bar Pickup Artist

by RichardPercival



Series: futanari ballbusting [16]
Category: Futanari Ballbusting
Genre: Bar, CBT, F/F, Futa, Futanari, Large Penis, Lesbian, Tomboy, ballbusting, big penis, dickgirl, full-package futanari, huge penis, interracial, small penis humiliation, sph, tamakeri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RichardPercival/pseuds/RichardPercival
Summary: A futa shows you how to pick up chicks at a bar
Series: futanari ballbusting [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1316822
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Futanari Ballbusting: Bar Pickup Artist

Hey there! My name is Sue Riffin and I’m gonna teach you how to pick up chicks at a bar! All you have to do is follow a few simple steps and you’ll be drowning in pussy!

Step 1: Be Attractive

I got this down! I’m a 5’6 futanari with shoulder length, dirty brown hair and a handsome, tomboy face. I’m more slender than I am muscular, and my chest is pretty flat, but I got a great butt and I’m 10 inches flaccid, so girls don’t tend to mind that other stuff!

But, of course, that’s just me! There’s loads of ways you can lay some pipe! You can be more girly and have giant tities, you can do squats for hours on end and get a butt everyone would want to play with, you can be really tall, you can be really fit and athletic, or you can be south-east Asian! There’s loads of ways to be attractive to the opposite sex!

Once you got that down, move on to step 2!

Step 2: Dress to Impress

Just being attractive doesn’t mean anything if you can’t package yourself nicely! You’ve got to play to your strengths, after all!

Seeing as we’ll be going to a bar for this how-to guide, we gotta keep that in mind!

Thanks to my tomboyish appearance, I’ll be wearing a red hoodie with a black undershirt, and a pair of jeans, with sneakers. Considering my penis length, my jeans will be tight enough to show off a bulge that any woman could get excited by, but also loose enough so the outline isn’t too prominent! Don’t want any girls thinking ‘oh my god, why is she waggling her dick in my face’ as we’re talking, after all!

For my hair, it’s shoulder length so I gave myself a feathered haircut, keeping everything off my face so people can get lost in my piercing blue eyes.

Now, no matter how sexy you think you are, don’t go to the bar naked! It’s a bad idea! Trust me! All women are sadists so they’ll use the ‘I was defending myself against a pervert’ excuse to really mash up your berries!

Anyway, once you’ve dressed impressively, move on to step 3!

Step 3: Scoping out the Scene

Once you’ve found a suitable bar, preferably one that doesn’t call taxis for girls that get too drunk, you gotta head inside and see what you’re working with!

If this is your first time, you might also want to go to a bar far away, to make sure nobody will recognize you if you fail miserably.

I’m a master at this, so I’m heading to a local bar, the ‘Buxom Hourglass’. It’s a large establishment set downtown of my city, in this nice corner location. The street level is more like a liquor store, with a wide counter and isles, while the upstairs is while all the fun’s at! Being a regular, the staff all know who I am and help me out in my conquests!

When you find a manager that’ll pass you a few ruffies to help, you know you’ve found a nice ‘hunting ground’!

“Hey Sue!” The cute bartender says as I walk up the stairs. “Your nuts all healed up from your last attempt at losing your virginity?”

…

Step 3.5: Don’t let the hate get you down

What matters is that you’re TRYING. Not that you’re, you know, actually succeeding. The best way to judge a futa’s character is to see how she handles defeat! It’s better to fall off a horse a thousand time but always get back up, then it is to get on a horse for the first time and ride like a champion!

Never be discouraged by failure! That’s the real secret!

Right, so the upstairs is a large, wide room set up like a triangle. There are booths going around the two window sides, and the longer side had a wide bar with many different kinds of alcohol stacked up.

In the middle of the large area was a bunch of tables. There were loads of women and futas all around the area, some watching a sports game on one of the many televisions, and other talking with each other, giving the bar a dull roar. The bar smelled like alcohol and burgers.

With that in mind, time to actually scope out my target!

I decide to stand by the entrance for a moment and look out to see what girl is sexy enough to be graced with my presence!

Now, it can sometimes be a little tough to determine the difference between a futa and a woman at a glance, but don’t worry, I have a strategy that works… 80% of the time, sometimes. Futas are taller than women, and they have a bulge in the crotch. So, if a person is shorter and seems to not have a dongle, she’s probably a woman!

And who do I see at a table near the center? A girl who stands at maybe 4’11, with a frilly looking girly skirt! She has a cute face, massive boobs, and an adorable haircut that keeps her blonde hair over her right eye! Nice!

I roll my shoulders, loosen my mouth, check to make sure my hair has the proper amount of bounce, and off I go to step 4!

Step 4: The Approach!

You only get one chance at a first impression! Don’t mess it up!

There’s a lot of delicacies and intricacies to a first impression, and the best method does, of course, varies from woman to woman, and futa to futa. You have to play to your strengths, and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do!

I walk up to that table (surprising the girl’s friends), slam my hand down, and look her right in her beautiful brown eyes!

“Hey there!” I say with a confident grin. “Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only Ten-I-see!” She opens her mouth to respond, but, before she can proclaim her love for me on the spot, I continue! “Oh, well, unless we’re counting inches!” With all the speed and finesse my finger can muster, I unzip my jeans and flop my cock and balls onto the table!

...

…Nobody is impressed?

With a sigh, the short blond girl stands up onto her seat, so I’m about eye level with her pelvis… and raises her skirt…

…fucking Christ… despite being so short, her dick goes well past her knees! She’s like twice as long as me! What the hell?!

The three girls at the table look at my stunned face, and then start giggling.

The first girl has her eyes on the blonde girl’s junk, she doesn’t even spare a glance my way. “I bet you didn’t expect such a smaller futa to be such a ~monster~ down there!”

Another girl is more monotone. “That… ‘thing’ really isn’t as impressive as you think it is.”

The third girl slams her fist down on my testicles, causing the table to shake from the force and almost knocking down everyone’s drinks. I don’t scream, but my eyes bulge out and all of the air is forced out of my lungs. She pinned my golf-ball sized girls to the wood and I couldn’t escape! “And what kind of introduction is that?” She grinds her fist into my sack, twisting this way and that. Despite my attempts to pull her hands off, I was too weak, and it was all I could do to grind my teeth in agony! “That wasn’t charismatic at all!”

Step 5: Pain and Recovery

The third girl releases her fist and I fall to the ground, cradling my wounded testicles and kicking my legs out as I roll on the ground in pain.

That blonde girl with the deceptively big penis sits back down and takes a sip. “Sorry about that, but, you kind of asked for it.”

“N-no problem!” While on the ground, I shove my genitals back into my jeans (which is a little difficult considering how hard that punch made me), and stand back up, albeit hunched over slightly.

You might think that went poorly, but it’s all part of my master plan! Fishing for girls is like making pancakes, the first one always goes bad! You have to have a bad start in order to get to the better ones, it’s just science!

“S-sorry to bother you!” I say with a wave as I limp off. The girls wave back, laughing.

Now, once you’ve been rejected and have had your nuts kicked into your throat, feel free to move on to Step 6.

…I walk to the bar and sit down a bit… I’ll need some more time till I can advance to the next step… Luckily, these kinds of rejections are common, so bartenders usually have a few icepacks behind the counter for you to use. Additionally, if you’re like me and REALLY get excited from having your testicles violated, feel free to go into the bathroom and bust a few out. Don’t feel bad about masturbating either! I did it my first few… dozen or so times I went out to pick up chicks! It’s natural!

Step 6: The Alcohol

After you can properly walk again, and your voice has lowered to its natural level, it’s time to bust out your secret weapon! Copious amounts of alcohol!

So I turn around and look for the best woman to send the alcohol over to, and I see her before long! Two girls over in this one booth, near the middle of the glass wall!

One girl has solid black hair and a dark complexion, the other looks oceanic! The black girl (who we’ll call B) has her hair up in a tight, office bun, and is wearing a professional looking blouse with suit pants! Her pants are tight, so I know for sure she doesn’t have a cock! The south-east Asian girl (who we’ll call S) has wind whipped hair, and a sexy pair of short shorts that show off the bottom of her butt!

Perfect! Two friends, ripe for a threesome! Let me show you how the master operates!

I ask the bartender for a large bottle of some kind of wine, and walk over with a confident gait!

Step 7: The Approach 2.0

“Hey there, ladies.” I say in a sexy, confident voice. “I couldn’t help but notice you two were looking a bit lonely and in need of some, ah, ‘company’.” I wink, and B shivers… which isn’t a good sign…

B has trouble looking me in the eyes. “N-no, we’re-“

“Yes!” S interrupts, excitedly looking at my bottle of wine. “We would love company!” She scoots over and taps the seat of the booth. “Come! Sit! Sit!”

“R-really?” I asked.

“Of course! Come on!”

That’s..! This is great news! I never expected to get this far!

So I sit down in the booth and S sits riiiiight next to me, with a hand on my shoulder and pushing her chest against my arm. My face is bright red and I’m having troubling finding words to say.

Then, S takes her other hand and starts rubbing my cock through my jeans!

“Thanks for the wine, by the way.” She coos in my ear, causing my whole body to shudder in delight. “We’ll be sure to make great use if it!”

I manage to look over at B, and she’s staring daggers at me, clear hate and jealousy in her eyes, I’m a bit confused as to why.

“Oh-ho-hoooo!” S chuckles as she grips the end of my cock, seeing it’s full length. “This girl is quite impressive! How long is it, might I ask?”

“T-ten inches soft!” I try to say with some amount of confidence.

S whistles, then starts rubbing my large, virile testicles. “That’s pretty impressive! Far above average, if I remember right!” She licks her lips. “Oooh, and these nuts are perfect!” I have such a doofy, pleased smile on my face. “What really puts me in the mood to make sweet lesbian love to my wife is rupturing these stupid things!”

...what?

“...what?”

Suddenly, her hand clamps down hard on my nuts, and the rough fabric of the jeans means nothing to her!

“G-HAA!” I say as my knees clamp together and I grab hold of her wrist, trying desperately to pry her vice-like grip off!

S smiles. “Aww, I love this reaction! I love it when proud futas, who think they’re all that just cause they were born with a big cock, are shown just how much pain they can be given based on a girl’s whim!” She turns to her wife. “What do you say? Rupture them then ~head back home~?”

B nods enthusiastically.

“Welp, you heard her!”

Terror grips my body as I’ve never been castrated before, and S tightens her grip! It hurts! It hurts to bad! My nuts are gonna pop, I can’t even sit upright, I’m leaning forward and my face is pressed against the table! She even starts twisting, but it hurts so much I can’t make a sound!

The girl shifts me out of the booth, pushing me along by the nuts, and stands me up. She has such a confident face as she’s looking at mine, and tears well up in the corner of my eyes!

She pulls my nuts up, forcing me to stand on my toes, despite being taller than her, and she makes a kissy face before winking. In one clean motion, like she’s done this before, she releases my testicles, but smashes her knee between my legs! The blow lifts me up at least six inches! My eyes cross as the pain shoots throughout my body. I hold onto my nuts as I fall to my knees, but I can’t keep my balance and fall to my side soon after.

I can’t move, it hurts! My body keeps spasming and I can’t even keep my eyes open!

Suddenly, I feel a warm hand on my cheek. “Nah, I wouldn’t castrate you. There are probably loads of women who’d like your ten incher inside of them. Thanks for the wine though!”

“N-no problem..!” I squeak out as the two girls get up with the bottle and leave the bar.

...

Step 8: Acceptance

Hey, don’t worry pal! We all have bad nights sometimes! It may have not worked out tonight, but theres always tomorrow!

For now, just do I what I’m doing. Pick yourself up, waddle yourself home, and vigorously masturbate to the sensation of girls inadvertently touching your peepee when they go for your balls!

Plus, when you try again later, make sure to use the information you learned in your experiences! For example, I learned that next time, I should go to a lesbian bar to pick up chicks!


End file.
